If you want to build a good house you need a solid foundation or it will crumble down. Then why do we try to build a successful and happy life on a flimsy base of fear-induced motivation?
Most of us are driven by success. Sure success may take different forms for different people – money, fame, thriving business, contribution to others or family love but we want to get somewhere great. Almost all of the things in life worth having will need some actions to get us beyond where we are now. In the past my primary fuel for success was discontent. I would realise that I didn't like where I was and take actions to change it. The examples of most successful people I found were all the same – driven by desire to perform, extremely result-oriented and hungry to have more, be more or to achieve more. And although I felt that this could be the way to go – to pump yourself up with motivation and drive to break through the day like a hero but it never worked for me. I am simply not the kind of guy who wants to kill the competition and be the king of the rock at all cost. Safety net So I was looking for some solid foundation to start building my success upon. I was looking for some safety net that would give me the freedom to risk without attaching myself to the the results too much. I wanted to feel enough before I started the journey instead of striving to come to a miraculous point where I would feel I am enough. I wanted to feel successful and worthy before I even achieved any of my goals. Imagine that you have to walk 20 metres between two buildings on a narrow plank and imagine you are 20 floors above ground. On the other side there is something very important for you, something that you really want. You look down and gulp. It is scary as hell but you are motivated to get to the other side. Even if you make it there you will sweat and it will unlikely be a pleasant walk. That is what happens when we start our journey to success equipped with ideas like "I've got to do it or I will not be worthy" or "It is absolutely important for me to excel in that". Those feelings bring pressure and even though they can motivate some people but they come with some undesirable side effects of stress, frustration and fear of failure. Now let's get back to the roof. Imagine that just one meter below you is a safety net and you know it will catch you no matter what. Would it be easier to walk those 20 metres? Of course it would. Will you sweat and get stressed in the process? Maybe you will in the beginning but once you realise that the net is safe and there is no danger then the walk will be no more difficult than buying a bottle of milk across the road. This is what happens when we realise that regardless of what happens to us along the way of life we are already enough and we are loved. Not loved because we've done something good but just by the fact we exist. That no achievement will make us feel loved more and no failure less. That our self-worth is not dependent on how much money we have. That if we fail we fail and then we simply start again. Would this safety net be worth attaining? I bet it would. It all changed for me when I stumbled across a book called "The Inside Out". It said that no matter what happens we are loved. We are loved by default, by design of life. That love is our natural state, it is what we are made of. We can fail in our goals but we cannot fail in life. Life is a casino It gave an example that I think will perfectly illustrate the safety net I am talking about. Imagine that a casino hired you to attract clients and you are given 50 000$ in chips to gamble every night. You are also paid 500$ a day and no matter what happens with the chips you return home with your 500$ in pocket. When you win you return the chips to the casino and when you lose you return the chips too. Damn it – even on a night you go broke you take your 500$ and go home. Of course you may grow heated while playing and forget you are playing with the casino money. You may want to win and get upset if the chips are gone but the second you realise there is nothing for you to lose you are set free. This is our life. When we strive for achievements we play with the casino money but we usually take it very seriously and forget that no matter the outcome we take home our 500$. No matter what happens to our projects, goals and plans we are loved and we are enough. We can go broke but we cannot lose the love that's ours at our birthright. For me it was a game changer. Everything became easier and more enjoyable. I started taking pleasure in the game instead of focusing on the end goal. The pressure fell down and I stopped sweating the results. I found the foundation that is so solid that I can build a castle upon it. Change fear for curiosity What about you friend? If we feel driven by desire to succeed then far too often we are driven not to fail. We want to find some other place where we will be safer and secure only to realise that all that time we were sweating with a safety net to catch us. Know that no matter what you are enough. You've always been and will always be because there is no imperfection in the world. You are loved not because you have goals but because you have a soul. You may have goals and there is nothing wrong with tapping into the abundance of the Universe but do not forget that in this life you are essentially just playing with casino money. And the second you realise that you will have the courage and drive to go after your goals effortlessly – not because you have to but because you want to. There is pleasure in getting the results in life that all too often is clouded from us by the fear of failure. Clear the clouds of fear and you will be filled with passion, natural curiosity and drive. And then the magic will start to happened.
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